painsomnia, *quack*, puddles

My Kenny -

Good morning! *lickhug*

<The Cure / Japanese Whispers / Just One Kiss>

I can't sleep. I took my pills and they didn't work. I hate when that happens. Normally I'd be sending you crazy texts to amuse myself until you woke up to go peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)  Instead, I'm sitting in the dark, listening to my 72 day long playlist and writing to you, with silent tears streaming down my face.  I can't help it. I miss you telling me about your day and how you're feeling. I miss your texts telling me to "C'Mere!" and about how much Olympia smells like rain and smoke and trees. I miss your random *QUACK!* (remember the ducks having sex outside your window? HAHAHA)

<Black Label Society / Mafia / In This River>

My insomnia - or painsomnia, as the case usually is, has been getting worse. I didn't tell you about it because I didn't want you to worry about me more than you already did. Many nights I wake up in agony with my joints feeling like someone has filled them with fire ants and ground glass. My muscles have been cramping enough to leave bruises again. The dr thought I had a blood clot in my calf but tests showed nothing but a bad spasm and broken vein... You knew I'd never tell you how much my body hurts me.  Knowing you, I bet you'd see it anyhow. I'd slip up and wince or something .. I play a tough girl made of stone because I can't let the world see I'm weak and sickly now.

<Joy Division / Closer / Heart and Soul >

I have to go back to one of the -ologists soon. Not sure which one wants to do the MS testing - either the rheumatologist or the neurologist. Come hold my hand during the spinal tap, please! It's going to hurt and I'm scared. You're the only one I've told about being scared of the tests. I can fake it with everyone else, but I can't with you. I know you can't go in the MRI area with me due to your cyborg parts, but I know you'll be there in some form so I don't freak out too much.  I'm still putting off the liver biopsy until blood work says I absolutely have to have it... My latest tests didn't show the autoimmune hepatitis type 1 antibodies being so high this time... but my aunt (my Mom's older sister) has AIHt1 and needs a transplant.

<Run-D.M.C. / Greatest Hits / You Be Illin'>

Isaac is lingering, lumbering slowly inland. We're still just getting rain here, and heavy wind gusts every now and then. It's just a bad thunderstorm right now.  All the low areas are flooded - but that happens every time it rains. The house shaking in the gusts is a little unnerving though... There's gonna be tons of puddles though!

You know you want to hold hands and jump in the mud puddles with me - 

but we'll wait til the lightning goes away. I don't want your cyborg parts

acting like a lightning rod :)

Taboo is going crazy from the rain and wind, much like I am. Totally different reasons though. He wants to play in the yard, but hates getting wet - ha, a lab mix afraid of water! so he's full of the butt tucking zoomies around the house. Jumping over furniture, skidding down the hall on the throw rugs, tearing in circles around the kitchen island. He doesn't do it as much as he used to - he's getting old in dog years. I see the gray in his muzzle now and he limps when he overdoes things - much like you, and I (minus the gray whiskers :P).  I'm going to miss him when he goes over the rainbow bridge. Like you, he's been a major part of my life since I've been sick. He's seen me at my worst, and at my best.

<Lacuna Coil / Lacuna Coil / Falling>

When I first heard the news of your death and ran out of the room - Taboo went with me and laid next to me on the bed and whined with his paw on my hand, staring at me with his big brown knowing eyes. You would have loved him. He was rescued as a wee homeless pup, and now he rescues me. (Taboo's Story)

<Rage Against the Machine / RATM / Wake Up>

Love you Kenny boy,

~Anne <3