*warning red bluds inside*, cats, stars n butterflies

Sillyboy <3

I'm ok... Feeling sad and missing you, but I'll be fine. I have these:

Butterfly and Star

They'll get me through this. Your star is blue and green tonight in the dark. I couldn't get a picture of it without a flash and that just wasn't going to work...

<Evanescence / Fallen / Hello>

Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello

If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken
Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello I'm I'm still here 
All that's left of yesterday

I love Amy Lee's voice... and her eyes... and this song. It's fitting for me tonight.

I cut my finger open today at work getting a knife out of my chef bag. Just a small nick, really, but my goodness, did it bleed. 2 hours straight! I went through 5 paper towels and I'm not sure how much went down the sink while I was washing the cut out...

This is paper towel #5. I put the rest in the biohazard box in the locker room. 

My first thought? Oh, Kenny would LOVE this. 2 hours of drippy bluds. I imagined you spending the whole time just licksucking the bluds off the tip of my finger. Or rubbing it on my lips and having you  kissing it off them. Yup, I am blud loving crazy person, too.

But, since I was at work, I kinda had to make a tourniquet with paper towels and masking tape until it stopped enough to keep a bandaid on. Not sure if I should tell my doctor of this or not LOL It's only a 2mm long cut and only a bit deeper than a papercut but the non stop bleeding was a bit odd. I thought it had stopped after a few minutes, but as soon as I unwrapped it the first time, bluds squirted out over the sink. Gwen freaked ;) She hates bluds.

Of course, my arm hurts now like it does when I have my hour long blud sucking treatments with the vampires. Maybe I lost a bit more than I think... At least it's not orange anymore... I'm covering it with xeroform gauze tonight, and tomorrow at work I'll put my MRSA topical stuff on it with a waterproof bandage, just in case. I think it bled enough to prevent anything sticking around inside it, but... staph is going around work again. Yeah. 

One of the casino bartenders just died from staph in his blood and infecting his brain :( He was only 30. Here one day, gone the next. :( So much death around me again. Bf's dad, you, a bartender and a maintenance guy - both from work, Gwen's sister - just this year, of people I knew. 

<Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross / TGWTDT / Another Way of Caring>

I know I shouldn't, but I want to watch The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo again. Alone, so if I cry, no one will stare at me. I'm prepared for my personal trigger scenes and will FF through them if I feel like I need to, since I don't have you to talk to about them anymore... They were like reliving that crap all over again and I didn't know they were included in the movie since I didn't read the book first and I refused to look at any trailers or reviews online about the movie :( I know you hated hearing about that happening to me - I heard you crying, even though it was way forever in the past. You are only the second person I've shared all the details with and the only one who understood the joyous fun of being sent to the looney bin after. 

I'm fine, really. Not lying. I'm not even crying. Ok, I was crying a little earlier but I was reading old texts from you. I'm afraid to delete them. What if I forget things?? 

<House of Krazees / Season of the Pumpkin / Season of the Pumpin>

The cats are being weird... 

Callie has decided to live in my backpack -

and Booger likes the old computer chair next to the dog food bowls - 

Both torment Taboo - even when he isn't near them! They growl from the hallway while he's at the other side of the house if they see him. They'll paw his nose or paws when he's sleeping on the sofa. They hiss and yowl for no reason if a human is around to hear it. They sneak into my closet or under my bed and growl at Taboo while he's sleeping on the bed. He barely goes near them - and avoids eye contact with them whenever possible. I can't keep their door closed anymore because they now bodyslam it endlessly or paw underneath it until it gets so annoying I open the door... It's hard for me to sleep as it is - that racket is GAH!! It sounds like an exorcism going on in there!!! How did I get stuck with these two monsters?? I hate cats. Why do *I* have to take care of bf's mom's cats??? Booger clawed the shit out of my arm last night when I was shooing her off the counter tops and Callie insists I'm her new best friend when I'm brushing my teeth...

<Big Dumb Face / Duke Lion Fights the Terror!! / Voices in the Wall>

chatterboxing

numbers talking

silent, softer

somehow smarter

voices in the wall

they are far

they are talking something

something that is small

very tiny

speaking silently

they are working

hard

making, bumping

they are doing

something,

something that

is small

in the wall

they are

fidgeting.

small hands

working

scraping

something

over here

press your

ear...

they want

us out

they'd be 

gone by now

if they

knew

how...

Did I mention that I miss you? How bout I love you? Well, I do. miss you and love you. Did I ever get you to listen to Big Dumb Face? I hope I did. It's so stupidly creepy silly lol

And for a totally random WTF ... Why do I have a track of whale sound lullabies? How odd. I do remember it now that I think about it. And, I thought it sounded beautiful. Still do.

And on that - I need to lie down. I'm getting dizzy and pukie feeling and my brain is telling my eyes that what they are seeing doesn't exist. If I sit here much longer, I can't be held responsible for the nonsense spewing forth.



I LOVE YOU KENNY!
come protect me in my sleep from bad dreams

~Uneeek!