Dear Kenny <3
It's late... - 4 am. Taboo is on the sofa, snoring and paw and tail twitching like dogs do. Sometimes, he sighs. He's on his back, and so deeply in sleep that his mouth is hanging open with the tip of his tongue sticking out and his pitbull/lab floppy lips are flopped open LOL. I'd take a picture, but I think my moving would wake him up - then he'd want to play...
I'm exhausted but sleep is being elusive ? tonight. I took a sleepy making pill and a pain pill but, I'm still hurty. Physically and mentally. I'm getting that sickly pale face with the black circled, red rimmed eyes look again from the combination of pain and insomnia... The look you found beautiful on me LOL Silly boy <3. I miss saying that to you.
I know when I fall asleep in a bit, I'll dream... I'm tired of dreaming nightmares. I always had nightmares as a little kid. No monsters in the closet or under the bed for me. The monsters were (and still are) in my HEAD. BF doesn't understand my nightmares. I don't usually turn to him for comfort for them either.
Last night I dreamed of grey jaguars mixed with lynx and being attacked by one as I was working in an office filled with idiots. I woke up with my arm bloody where I guess I had clawed at it in my sleep?
I watched Girl, Interrupted again tonight. I read the book years ago... I can always relate to crazy people and the loony bin ;)
I have to work saute/fish/sauce Saturday night :( NOT looking forward to it. It's just not where I want to work at on a Saturday night - and on a give-away night at the casino. Not when I'm having a pain flare up. It's not something I can explain to the head chef though... I have some buffet flunkie working my salad/cold station and desserts. I already know everything is going to go out looking like garbage - it always does when this kid fills in. The busier the night gets, the worse he sends my dessert plates out looking. He doesn't want to work with us on busy nights because he can't wander and whines the whole time about it being busy and how he is "doing us a favour". On slow nights, he loves coming to 'help' cuz he can disappear and FB and tweet and text on his phone all night. So aggravating.
This week's dessert best seller at work? Butterscotch creme brulee. I always call it my old person flavour ;) Young people now have no idea what flavour real butterscotch is (or real caramel for that matter - they are all used to artificial ones!). I make my own butterscotch syrup for it - nothing fake in my desserts if I can help it. Besides, it's cheaper to make my own since I only make a small amount of my specials each week. I usually run each creme brulee flavour for 2 weeks straight just because I use any leftover uncooked base to make ice creams or cake fillings, but the rest of my dessert specials are just a weekend each. We're closed 2 days a week, so I try not to have too much extra hanging out by Sunday night.
I need to lie down with a heating pad on my joints and an ice pack on my head. Maybe the buzzing in my skull will go silent.
Love you Kenny. Please come lie down with me for a bit.
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