bad day, miss you, weakness

Dear Kennyboy -

I'm having a really bad day without you. One of those days when I'd call you and ask you to just to talk - talk about anything until I was able to tell you what was wrong. I feel lost. 

Nothing interests me - other than writing letters to you. I can't focus on anything - but you being gone. My world is empty right now. I'm trying, really trying to deal with this, but... you know me. I won't ask anyone for help. 

< VAST/ Visual Audio Sensory Theater / Touched >

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcWE6jWSIi8

I really miss you and wish I could have at least been able to say goodbye and to tell you that I loved you one last time. I wish I would have called when you sent that last text to me about Hippy fixing your IV. It was the last one you got to send before you died. 

I wish I were there, just to have a few extra moments with you, to hold your hand and kiss your lips goodbye. I'd give most anything for another day.

< VAST / April / One More Day >

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jFS4iaEMMw

You sent a video message to me a few hours before that. I wonder if you knew when you sent that to me, that it would be the last one, and most important one to me, ever. It made me cry then, and it makes me cry now. I watched it, imagining we were together, face to face.

Remember these? My fortunes. It was on a day we both were feeling sad. They summed up what we believed in, hoped for and desired. It started a conversation when I got home about a true, deep love and hope.

< VAST/ Music for the People / We Will Meet Again >

< VAST / A Complete Demonstration / I Want to Take You There >

Your star came! It changes colors with the light. I had planned on sending it to you, but I can't now. So I'll wear and hold it for you and talk to you through it. My butterfly should be here Monday or Tuesday to wear with it. I'm debating if I want to put them on a chain or a choker or on a charm holder. I feel I'll need your stars and my butterflies to help deal with the pain I have inside.

My tears have dried once again. Maybe no one noticed I've been sitting here with tears silently streaming down my face.

I love you, Kenny. Please don't forget that.

< VAST / Visual Audio Sensory Theater / Flames >

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH0-R05pG80

Close your eyes,
Let me touch you now.
Let me give you something
That is real.

Close the door,
Leave your fears behind.
Let me give you
What you're giving me.

You are the only thing
That makes me want to live at all.

When I am with you,
There's no reason to pretend that
When I am with you,
I feel flames again

Just put me inside you,
I would never ever leave.
Just put me inside you,
I would never ever leave you.

~The Uneeek One