LOOK WHAT SHOWED UP! MY BUTTERFLY!
I'll be getting a thicker chain to wear them on - or maybe another thin chain to wear them separate but together at the same time. That might be the best option really. I think the star would look great on a choker ribbon. Next I'm going to look for one in a moonstone - Thanks to my sister for suggesting that, too! <3
Random playlist shuffle today... Just kinda going with the flow. Let's see where winamp takes us this day.
<VAST / NUDE / Be With Me>
Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely LOATHE going to the doctor? :) I've stumped the doctors yet again so their solution is to put me back on their stupid boring anti-inflammatory 'diet' again. I'm going to go bonkers! No dairy, no wheat, no sodium, no added sugars (whole fruit is ok this time, but not juice), no caffeine, no alcohol, no dyes, no OTC meds, no beef... etc etc etc. Basically, they have no idea again. 3 months of this... then new lab work unless I get worse *cries*
Official weight loss - #12 in 7 days... the depression and #spoonie diet. I don't recommend it.
Oh, and snip pieces of flesh from me again. They REALLY want to do that. I feel like a lab rat... I'm so tired of all of it. :/ They weren't big on explaining stuff today without consulting with "the others" so I'll probably get a phone call in a week or so. Guess I should be happy my doctors speak with each other...
<Peter Wohlert: Berlin Symphony Orchestra - Tchaikovsky: Sleeping Beauty Suite, Op. 66A - Introduction, La Fée Des Lilas>
I'm okay today. Well, right now anyhow... Sitting in my stupid paper gown with a paper sheet for warmth for 45 minutes this morning in a freezing room, waiting for the doctor to finally show up... Not so good. My toes turned blue waiting. I think I fell asleep for a bit, wishing you would show up and hold my hand. I had a new tech there today. What a space cadet... and she was sick and sniffling and rubbing her nose constantly. ICK NO TOUCHING THE UNEEEK ONE WITH ICKY GERMS! I miss Miss Lisa. She didn't ask me the same questions over because of not writing down the answer the first time... and she always had a blanket for me...
Work told me not to come in cuz apparently half our shipments haven't made it yet from whatever still flooded area they are coming from. I get to go back tomorrow instead. So I did nothing all afternoon but play with Taboo and Dixie outside... Until it got too hot to make them run around ;) it's 104ºF out today... They are both snoozing under the fan now...
Work told me not to come in cuz apparently half our shipments haven't made it yet from whatever still flooded area they are coming from. I get to go back tomorrow instead. So I did nothing all afternoon but play with Taboo and Dixie outside... Until it got too hot to make them run around ;) it's 104ºF out today... They are both snoozing under the fan now...
<Lacuna Coil - Underworld: Evolution - Our Truth>
Am I crazy to write letters to you? Knowing that you probably aren't going to see them? But - just maybe you can feel what I am writing go out to you in some way... I wonder if your friends and family think I'm crazy. It's ok if they do. I have papers stating I really am so they wouldn't be assuming things :)
It does help my head. I can't talk to a shrink - I've tried. I always feel like they are judging me - and when they poke too deep, I can't talk about things - you know which 'things'. Besides, if they really knew what was in my head, I'd be back in the padded room with that loverly tight jacket on again and perma-IV drip of some mind numbing medication.
It does help my head. I can't talk to a shrink - I've tried. I always feel like they are judging me - and when they poke too deep, I can't talk about things - you know which 'things'. Besides, if they really knew what was in my head, I'd be back in the padded room with that loverly tight jacket on again and perma-IV drip of some mind numbing medication.
I just hope everyone understands how much we meant to each other. REALLY. The love went beyond the texting and phone calls... we had no reason to hide anything or tell lies. I don't think we got to all the little things yet, but I think we covered most all the major stuff. We talked about our depression, our past relationships, jobs, suicide attempts, love, important life experiences.
Sick people don't have time to lie about anything with each other. To the rest of the world - yeah, we will lie, if needed. We will tell everyone we are fine because we know you probably really don't want to know how we are. Life is just PEACHY . works just fine for non-sick people. It's just the way it is, unfortunately.
I knew when Kenny was throwing up all day long or bleeding from his stabbies, he knew when my hands curled into claws and my face went numb when my calcium levels dropped too low. Talking would be slurring numb lip mumblemuble, *BARRRRRRRF* sometimes. Or walk walk stumble fall down. We both went thru this daily.
 |
| You made me laugh so hard some nights :) |
Sick people don't have time to lie about anything with each other. To the rest of the world - yeah, we will lie, if needed. We will tell everyone we are fine because we know you probably really don't want to know how we are. Life is just PEACHY . works just fine for non-sick people. It's just the way it is, unfortunately.
I knew when Kenny was throwing up all day long or bleeding from his stabbies, he knew when my hands curled into claws and my face went numb when my calcium levels dropped too low. Talking would be slurring numb lip mumblemuble, *BARRRRRRRF* sometimes. Or walk walk stumble fall down. We both went thru this daily.
<Alice Cooper / Trash / This Maniac's In Love With You >
It's now a good bit later.... I can't sleep - I took my pill, so things might get weird in a few minutes. It will be like reading my odd texts at 4 am! My arms and legs and my SCALP keep going numb. Who knows what THAT is from, but it's been happening off and on for a while now. I'm not even going to think about it.
Bf and his mom took me out to eat Chinese food for dinner. It's the first real meal I've eaten since you died. Don't look at me like that... I did eat a piece of a piece of chicken yesterday or the day before yesterday.... And after my doctor appointments today, I had a Cliff Bar... At least it was protein and some carbs... Kinda cardboardy. Not gonna make those a habit... Dinner was ok, but it didn't stay in long...
I miss our foodpr0n discussions and pictures. I tormented Kristina with them today from my collection of sweets that I've made ;) I'm so evil. You know me - contributing to the extreme obesity of Mississippi and Louisiana 5 years total now and kept them in the top spot for at least 3 of them.
<Paula Cole / This Fire / Nietzsche's Eyes>
Ok - you know how benadryl IV gave you a hot ass? One of my pills makes my entire body feel like fire for about 15 minutes. I haven't figured out which pill yet, but it's one of my night pills. Thanks to you, I now notice that odd side effect. Thanks Kenny.
Last song, Last CALL for Alcohol, closing up quickly. Wheeeeee! Ambien. Whew, ambien - you kicked ass tonight. Good Job! Here, have a fiber bar.
<Puscifer / V is for Vagina / REV 22:20>
I'm signing off on that song...
Da UnEeEk one loves Kenny.... and Puscifer and VAST and LAM and NIN, but Kenny MOSTEST
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